So, after the tedium and depressing events of the international break, we return to our beloved domestic bliss, only to get out into the light and remember that things are terrible here too, just not as racist (but give us time).https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/50048932
VAR
I won't bang on again about the latest comical examples this weekend (and Monday). My feelings on this one are clear, and though anyone who is against VAR runs the risk of being labelled a dinosaur, is technological inconsistency actually preferable to human inconsistency?
Robbie Savage
During 5 Live commentary of Manchester United v Liverpool (Sunday, 1-1), out-of-his-depth-but affordable co-commentator Savage tuned on commentator John Murray who'd dared to ponder whether, ahem, VAR, should have picked up on Liverpool's Divock Origi being fouled en route to United's opening goal.
"Was it clear and obvious?! Was it clear and obvious?! What is clear and obvious?!" Savage fired at Murray, like Alan Partridge speaking over his PA Lynn as she tries to talk him into buying a Mini Metro.
The normally mild-mannered Murray was clearly rattled, tersely stating "No, I understand that" in a restrained manner reminiscent of Guy Mowbray having his ear flicked metaphorically by Mark Lawrenson during 2010 World Cup and Ally McCoist being blatantly ignored by John Champion at Russia 2018.
Savage's return to BBC match punditry (telly excluded) suggests BBC's philosophy to copy ITV's provocation approach is still alive and kicking, although that still doesn't explain the re-emergence of Dion Dublin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdaOo6OkP8E
Unreasonable (and unseasonable) kick off times
Hardly a new topic this, but notable for Amazon becoming the new player in mistreating match-going football fans. They have announced themselves on stage with a ground-breaking, train-station closing 8pm Boxing Day kick off for Liverpool fans to return home from after playing at Leicester. Fan group "Spirit of Shankly" say it's not too late to redeem the situation and return the kick off to the largely forgotten 3 o'clock slot.
My question is, do the TV companies and the Premier League even discuss the impact on supporters when negotiating these kick off times, or do they just assume they'll eventually swallow it and turn up to make all the atmosphere anyway? It's rarely said but the fans actually hold the power, it's just that they seem incapable of unleashing it in mass numbers. You will hear Alan Shearer often say that an effective "press" (the closing down of opponents, rather than the state of journalistic standards) means that the whole team "has to go" and hunt the ball back. This tactic applied to fans, in harnessing their power and being respected, means they need to "all not go" to these matches.
https://www.theguardian.com/football/2019/oct/17/leicester-v-liverpool-pushed-back-to-8pm-for-amazon-boxing-day-screening
Conor McNamara
Just when it seemed, fingers crossed, don't speak too soon, Norm was out of my life forever - as if the BBC Sport commissioner had finally caught up with the uncomfortable jolly Irishman's past commentaries including the massive fuss he made about "Son" scoring "on Mothers Day" (Bournemouth vs Spurs, March 2018), I go and click on Potters Bar v Barnet on iPlayer (FA Cup final qualifying round) and find his inimitable, overactive, intruding tone of voice setting both the scene and my temperature soaring.
If this match was a first step back to some kind of regretful Dublin-like redemption, then the venue was sadly overlooked by the Beeb execs.
"Potters Bar!Potters Bar!..talking of a bar, there was this time me and Claridge..."
Thursday, 24 October 2019
Friday, 18 October 2019
Football returns after two-week layoff
For someone like me who complains that the football season comes around too early, and gripes on and on that we don't get a chance to miss it, to appreciate it, to feel proper anticipation - that one season merely blurs into the next - the international break, when there is no football of any interest over the course of a week, might seem welcome.
But no, we have just had our second one of these, before even two months' domestic play of 2019-20, and this one was just as tedious as the last, depriving me of my right to catch the latest Premier League score on my phone (Prem, because that's where my teams plays) or hear a bit on the radio in between all the squabbling in my house, or at a wood. Not even England's defeat in the Czech Republic on Friday 11th could satisfy the yearning - although it did console me for a while.
Because England lost, I watched the highlights of the game in Prague, and learned that the 2-1 defeat was England's last qualifying reverse for either of the major tournaments in exactly ten years. I should countenance this with the fact that Clive "Anybody Arguing?" Tyldesley was delivering this information, and he has a history of inaccuracies, most famously from the Nou Camp in 1999 when he claimed that nobody cared where the Germans were when the Tyldesley-level popular Manchester United scored the last second winning goal in the Champions League Final against Bayern Munich.
The Czech game didn't matter, of course, because England could have lost to Bulgaria on Tuesday as well, and Kosovo in the match after, and still qualified for, er, everywhere, easily. We all know it is now harder not to qualify for the Euros or the World Cup than qualify. That a country who has only reached one Final in the history of the two big tournaments they can play are so unbeatable in qualifiers shows how meaningless the whole thing is.
Euro 2008 qualifying was much more like it (although I would say that, wouldn't I?). England, Russia and Croatia all in the same group, trying to get to a tournament holding 16 teams (one of those, or sometimes two, being the hosts). England ultimately failed to qualify for Euro 2008 in 1973-like fashion against the Croats at Wembley (although similarities edge towards the home goalkeeping error rather than any frantic onslaught on the opposition goalmouth) but shouldn't have been embarrassed. Yes, there were memorable losses of dignity along the way, including another goalie blooper against Croatia in Zagreb, this time Paul Robinson miskicking a Gary Neville back pass to seal defeat. Some say Mclaren's Rihanna moment at Wembley was Brent-worthy cringe, though he cleverly overshadowed it a a couple of months later with a public crack at contemporary Dutch. Ah, he’s going through a breakdown, poor lamb. Let’s not mention again.
The point is, that while both Croatia and Russia went through to Switzerland and Austia at England's expense, those two nations progressed to the quarter-final and semi-final respectively, so there was no shame in England's 3rd place, and while the disappointment and scapegoating was plentiful, the competitive aspect was never in doubt.
Both UEFA and FIFA have now ensured that this unsatisfactory state of affairs won't ever happen again.
But no, we have just had our second one of these, before even two months' domestic play of 2019-20, and this one was just as tedious as the last, depriving me of my right to catch the latest Premier League score on my phone (Prem, because that's where my teams plays) or hear a bit on the radio in between all the squabbling in my house, or at a wood. Not even England's defeat in the Czech Republic on Friday 11th could satisfy the yearning - although it did console me for a while.
Because England lost, I watched the highlights of the game in Prague, and learned that the 2-1 defeat was England's last qualifying reverse for either of the major tournaments in exactly ten years. I should countenance this with the fact that Clive "Anybody Arguing?" Tyldesley was delivering this information, and he has a history of inaccuracies, most famously from the Nou Camp in 1999 when he claimed that nobody cared where the Germans were when the Tyldesley-level popular Manchester United scored the last second winning goal in the Champions League Final against Bayern Munich.
The Czech game didn't matter, of course, because England could have lost to Bulgaria on Tuesday as well, and Kosovo in the match after, and still qualified for, er, everywhere, easily. We all know it is now harder not to qualify for the Euros or the World Cup than qualify. That a country who has only reached one Final in the history of the two big tournaments they can play are so unbeatable in qualifiers shows how meaningless the whole thing is.
Euro 2008 qualifying was much more like it (although I would say that, wouldn't I?). England, Russia and Croatia all in the same group, trying to get to a tournament holding 16 teams (one of those, or sometimes two, being the hosts). England ultimately failed to qualify for Euro 2008 in 1973-like fashion against the Croats at Wembley (although similarities edge towards the home goalkeeping error rather than any frantic onslaught on the opposition goalmouth) but shouldn't have been embarrassed. Yes, there were memorable losses of dignity along the way, including another goalie blooper against Croatia in Zagreb, this time Paul Robinson miskicking a Gary Neville back pass to seal defeat. Some say Mclaren's Rihanna moment at Wembley was Brent-worthy cringe, though he cleverly overshadowed it a a couple of months later with a public crack at contemporary Dutch. Ah, he’s going through a breakdown, poor lamb. Let’s not mention again.
The point is, that while both Croatia and Russia went through to Switzerland and Austia at England's expense, those two nations progressed to the quarter-final and semi-final respectively, so there was no shame in England's 3rd place, and while the disappointment and scapegoating was plentiful, the competitive aspect was never in doubt.
Both UEFA and FIFA have now ensured that this unsatisfactory state of affairs won't ever happen again.
Monday, 23 September 2019
VAR now sizing up manhood in their clampdown on onside
While Tottenham Hotspur's Son Hoeng-min was peeling away the parking notice that was stuck to his shirt at The King Power Stadium on Saturday afternoon, BBC's Alan Shearer (who has also been caught on camera breaking the law at the home of The Foxes) was preparing to soften his stance on VAR.
Originally a dissenter to video technology review (perhaps understandably), and then a supporter when facing charges of living in the past, Shearer appeared to waver on the latest edition of Match of The Day when video footage captured Son doing possibly, maybe - and certainly not clearly and obviously - excess of level with the last outfield defender, as his side appeared to go 2-0 up against the top six/four/three hopefuls.
"What we need, Gary, is a soft VAR. The VAR at present is too hard. In fact, why not call the whole shite'n thing off if it means I don't have to talk about it every week for the rest of the bollocking season?" This was the new whichever-way-the-wind-is-blowing conclusion Alan had reached, or at least seemed to. Some of the quoted words may not have happened, I was 'going under' at the time.
The identity of Son himself, as the victim of a system that charges forward in its mission to stand alongside Harald Schumacher, Andoni Goiketchea ('The Butcher of Bilbao'), Catenaccio and Osvaldo Zubeldia as the darkest of anti-football exponents, is a worrying sign for even the most willowy of forwards such as the South Korean. Should VAR have been around in the days of Alan Smith's and Ian Rush's noses, their impressive goal outputs would have been drastically reduced. Whereas in horse racing or sprinting you can win by a nose, in VAR world, an unfortunate protrusion is a key disadvantage that will be exploited by canny defenders.
Plastic surgery may become rife in the modern game, as teams look to seek out that 1% differential than can decide a result, although the mental side of a player's mind as well as physical will need to be considered. Former Premier League striker, Robbie Fowler, himself in the Rush nose mould, once said that scoring goals was "even better than sex", and for his counterparts of the VAR era, any such arousal as the goal - and VAR line - beckons, could have damaging consequences. So far pundits have joked about the "armpit" and "toe-nail" of straying forwards, but even for the most diligent, line-holding attackers, how soon before one of them becomes the victim of their own erection?
Originally a dissenter to video technology review (perhaps understandably), and then a supporter when facing charges of living in the past, Shearer appeared to waver on the latest edition of Match of The Day when video footage captured Son doing possibly, maybe - and certainly not clearly and obviously - excess of level with the last outfield defender, as his side appeared to go 2-0 up against the top six/four/three hopefuls.
"What we need, Gary, is a soft VAR. The VAR at present is too hard. In fact, why not call the whole shite'n thing off if it means I don't have to talk about it every week for the rest of the bollocking season?" This was the new whichever-way-the-wind-is-blowing conclusion Alan had reached, or at least seemed to. Some of the quoted words may not have happened, I was 'going under' at the time.
The identity of Son himself, as the victim of a system that charges forward in its mission to stand alongside Harald Schumacher, Andoni Goiketchea ('The Butcher of Bilbao'), Catenaccio and Osvaldo Zubeldia as the darkest of anti-football exponents, is a worrying sign for even the most willowy of forwards such as the South Korean. Should VAR have been around in the days of Alan Smith's and Ian Rush's noses, their impressive goal outputs would have been drastically reduced. Whereas in horse racing or sprinting you can win by a nose, in VAR world, an unfortunate protrusion is a key disadvantage that will be exploited by canny defenders.
Plastic surgery may become rife in the modern game, as teams look to seek out that 1% differential than can decide a result, although the mental side of a player's mind as well as physical will need to be considered. Former Premier League striker, Robbie Fowler, himself in the Rush nose mould, once said that scoring goals was "even better than sex", and for his counterparts of the VAR era, any such arousal as the goal - and VAR line - beckons, could have damaging consequences. So far pundits have joked about the "armpit" and "toe-nail" of straying forwards, but even for the most diligent, line-holding attackers, how soon before one of them becomes the victim of their own erection?
Wednesday, 18 September 2019
Football fairness at the BBC "Where are you?!"
The BBC are today fighting a claim that they tried to sabotage the celebrations of newly promoted Premier League team Norwich City, following their 3-2 home win over celebrated fossil-fuel perpetrators Manchester City, in the Premier League on Saturday (September 14th).
Within hours of the Canaries' faith-restoring backside-booting of the oil-dealing outfit, the opening act of Beeb vengeance began with Five Live's Alistair-Bruce-Ball urging fans of Norwich to appear on his knee-jerkathon 606 show, saying "If ever there was a time for Norwich City fans to ring 606 it's tonight". The claim against Ball is in his apparent assumption that people from Norwich, or followers of Norwich, are too stupid to have heard of pubs, or have any friends or family to rejoice with instead, and, therefore, being that stupid, are fair game to clog up the post-match airwaves with all the other mouth-breathers who choose this forum to share their deluded words with people they don't know. This is the gist of the claim being made against the BBC.
The BBC has fought back against the 606/Bruce-Ball episode, arguing that, should any Norwich supporters have been successful in getting through to the show, they would have been sharing their heightened emotions with former good striker of their club, Chris Sutton, whose partnership with Bruce-Ball has, if not eclipsed his playing one with Alan Shearer, then shown sufficient promise to be shortlisted as a possible last minute stand-in for Ant and Dec on any one of their ITV standard productions.
While the claimant is prepared to review the 606 complaint, there appears no wriggle room, pending a large Abu Dhabi cheque - or maybe a dart in the eye - in "respects of" (come on Wrighty, enough now) Exhibit 2. Having unexpectedly shown the three Norwich goals against the anti-inclusion City on the MOTD 2 highlights programme on Sunday night, presenter Mark Chapman appeared to innocently placate any Norwich fans who might have been feeling disgruntled over the allocated experts Jermaine Jenas and Martin Keown focusing their analysis solely on the City associated with misogyny and disappearing.
"Hold on, Norwich fans!" Chapman urged, "We have a special ending to the show coming up for you" (paraphrasing). But when it came, this "celebration" of the budget-defying triumph was nothing more than a disturbing re-mix of their celebrity owner Delia Smith's not-drunk on-pitch half time speech on the previous occasion that her team had been 2-0 up against a pre-devil courtship City in February 2005.
This footage not only awoke Norwich fans from their moment of euphoria and plunged them back to a time they are fighting to forget every single day of their lives, but also came from a night when the other City beat them, "as the BBC knew all too well", the claimant said, adding "clearly when Chapman promised Norwich fans a treat, he actually meant everyone but Norwich fans".
The BBC have again denied allegations of wrongdoing and preferential treatment of the modern Manchester City.
"This is nonsense", said a well-paid spokesperson, probably a man; "To say we deliberately shoehorned in a City win at Carrow Road to redress the balance are the words of a person living in a warped reality. People may say there was a Manchester City before Sheik Mansoor, but we had no absolutely no interest in the club before 2008.
The dispute continues...
Within hours of the Canaries' faith-restoring backside-booting of the oil-dealing outfit, the opening act of Beeb vengeance began with Five Live's Alistair-Bruce-Ball urging fans of Norwich to appear on his knee-jerkathon 606 show, saying "If ever there was a time for Norwich City fans to ring 606 it's tonight". The claim against Ball is in his apparent assumption that people from Norwich, or followers of Norwich, are too stupid to have heard of pubs, or have any friends or family to rejoice with instead, and, therefore, being that stupid, are fair game to clog up the post-match airwaves with all the other mouth-breathers who choose this forum to share their deluded words with people they don't know. This is the gist of the claim being made against the BBC.
The BBC has fought back against the 606/Bruce-Ball episode, arguing that, should any Norwich supporters have been successful in getting through to the show, they would have been sharing their heightened emotions with former good striker of their club, Chris Sutton, whose partnership with Bruce-Ball has, if not eclipsed his playing one with Alan Shearer, then shown sufficient promise to be shortlisted as a possible last minute stand-in for Ant and Dec on any one of their ITV standard productions.
While the claimant is prepared to review the 606 complaint, there appears no wriggle room, pending a large Abu Dhabi cheque - or maybe a dart in the eye - in "respects of" (come on Wrighty, enough now) Exhibit 2. Having unexpectedly shown the three Norwich goals against the anti-inclusion City on the MOTD 2 highlights programme on Sunday night, presenter Mark Chapman appeared to innocently placate any Norwich fans who might have been feeling disgruntled over the allocated experts Jermaine Jenas and Martin Keown focusing their analysis solely on the City associated with misogyny and disappearing.
"Hold on, Norwich fans!" Chapman urged, "We have a special ending to the show coming up for you" (paraphrasing). But when it came, this "celebration" of the budget-defying triumph was nothing more than a disturbing re-mix of their celebrity owner Delia Smith's not-drunk on-pitch half time speech on the previous occasion that her team had been 2-0 up against a pre-devil courtship City in February 2005.
This footage not only awoke Norwich fans from their moment of euphoria and plunged them back to a time they are fighting to forget every single day of their lives, but also came from a night when the other City beat them, "as the BBC knew all too well", the claimant said, adding "clearly when Chapman promised Norwich fans a treat, he actually meant everyone but Norwich fans".
The BBC have again denied allegations of wrongdoing and preferential treatment of the modern Manchester City.
"This is nonsense", said a well-paid spokesperson, probably a man; "To say we deliberately shoehorned in a City win at Carrow Road to redress the balance are the words of a person living in a warped reality. People may say there was a Manchester City before Sheik Mansoor, but we had no absolutely no interest in the club before 2008.
The dispute continues...
Thursday, 15 August 2019
An Ode to the new football season 2019-20
If you can keep your head while the stadium announcer loses theirs and screams like a child that the players are in the tunnel
If you can trust yourself when all men say VAR is a good thing,
But make allowance for their ignorance, too
If you can wait for the interminable presentation of the players entering the field, and not be tired of waiting,
Or being patronised by the 'match host' on the touchline, don't deal in hiring a sniper
Or being mugged off by your club, the Premier League, UEFA, don't give way to bullying
And yet don't get above your station, and tolerate the pantomime reading of the team line up:
If you can fantasise about safe standing - but still understand there's no money in it so won't happen in the Premier League
If you can think - and not let Alan Shearer be your master
If you can meet with the elation of bitter rivals' not winning the big European trophy and starting all over again in the Mickey Mouse Marathon
And Treat those two impostors exactly the same
If you can bear to hear the chant you've just joined in - the one with the Billy Ray Cyrus tune -
Twisted by numpties to make a trap for those who should know better
Or watch the team you gave your life to, broken in Baku
And yet only a few weeks later, sing that they are By Far The Greatest Team The World Has Ever Seen
If you can make one heap of all the savings you've made not renewing your Sky Sports' subscription
And risk it on one turn of weak resistance
And lose, and give it all to Murdoch
And never tell the other half about your doubts
If you can abandon your conscience, and put the match before the kids' bedtime routine
To serve your turn long after your partner has left the house in disgust
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the will to say "More live matches than ever before!"
If you can speak your own mind, and not let Adrian Durham get in your head
Or get tickets in the Wembley corporate section, and don't stay in the bar ten minutes after the second half has started
If neither the better team down the road or your own shower of s**t can hurt you
If all men and women countdown to kick off with you, but none too much to overshadow the pyrotechnics
If you can fill the unforgiving five minutes of the VAR check,
and fill it with 300 seconds of endurance watching a referee get the attention he/she craves
Yours is Football and every irritating ar**hole in it
And which is more, you'll be a Fan, my son/daughter!
*When the Fun Stops Stop*
If you can trust yourself when all men say VAR is a good thing,
But make allowance for their ignorance, too
If you can wait for the interminable presentation of the players entering the field, and not be tired of waiting,
Or being patronised by the 'match host' on the touchline, don't deal in hiring a sniper
Or being mugged off by your club, the Premier League, UEFA, don't give way to bullying
And yet don't get above your station, and tolerate the pantomime reading of the team line up:
If you can fantasise about safe standing - but still understand there's no money in it so won't happen in the Premier League
If you can think - and not let Alan Shearer be your master
If you can meet with the elation of bitter rivals' not winning the big European trophy and starting all over again in the Mickey Mouse Marathon
And Treat those two impostors exactly the same
If you can bear to hear the chant you've just joined in - the one with the Billy Ray Cyrus tune -
Twisted by numpties to make a trap for those who should know better
Or watch the team you gave your life to, broken in Baku
And yet only a few weeks later, sing that they are By Far The Greatest Team The World Has Ever Seen
If you can make one heap of all the savings you've made not renewing your Sky Sports' subscription
And risk it on one turn of weak resistance
And lose, and give it all to Murdoch
And never tell the other half about your doubts
If you can abandon your conscience, and put the match before the kids' bedtime routine
To serve your turn long after your partner has left the house in disgust
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the will to say "More live matches than ever before!"
If you can speak your own mind, and not let Adrian Durham get in your head
Or get tickets in the Wembley corporate section, and don't stay in the bar ten minutes after the second half has started
If neither the better team down the road or your own shower of s**t can hurt you
If all men and women countdown to kick off with you, but none too much to overshadow the pyrotechnics
If you can fill the unforgiving five minutes of the VAR check,
and fill it with 300 seconds of endurance watching a referee get the attention he/she craves
Yours is Football and every irritating ar**hole in it
And which is more, you'll be a Fan, my son/daughter!
*When the Fun Stops Stop*
Tuesday, 23 July 2019
Women's World Cup 2019 Review by a Fan of No Importance Part 3
Here comes what the title says...
Gabby Logan
It's probably right that I should recall a day back in 1999 when Gabby Logan was presenting a football related item (that being her job) on ITV and I made a remark that my then girlfriend, now partner, showed up as evidence of a "male chauvinist" side to my character. She ventured the observation light-heartedly, but I was mortally offended, outraged and left wondering whether this silly mare knew me at all.
I sulked terribly, but I'm glad now that my partner said it as it provided, if not evidently straightaway, a small step along the slow ponderous path to self-improvement. Maybe I'd actually been right in questioning the validity of whatever Logan said that day, but clearly I could have said whatever I said without such a pointed subtext.
Although equally at home with Champions League coverage and Match of the Day fill-ins, this tournament seemed to be Logan's moment, and in spite of whatever I said in ‘99, her knowledge of the game is unquestionable, and I like her all the more for her dislike of half and half scarves (which she tried to consign to Room 101 a couple of years back) and her wariness of VAR.
Like Mark Chapman and Gary Lineker and Mark pougatch, Logan asks good questions of her pundits, although occasionally some of the questions did outstay their welcome this summer, inviting unwanted comparisons with Garth Crooks.
But I liked her being host, and I hope to see her filling in for Lineker next season when he can't be bothered to make the midweek ones.
Alex Scott
Similarly with Logan, I'd never been the biggest fan of Scotty (as a pundit), but given a regular spot in France, she mixed passion and insight with her recollections of player experience. She was angry after Cameroon, although I was disappointed that her fury was with the Indomitable Lionesses and not VAR!
Hope Solo
The American goalie for their World Cup 2015 triumph was working with the Beeb even for her homeland's semi final with England. Did the US coverage have grander figures to call on, or did Hope's outspoken views preclude her? Whatever the truth, she filled the customary role of international voice of wisdom for our summer tournaments, following in the footsteps of Klinsmann, Vialli and Martinez. Solo started the tournament strongly with an attack on FIFA and proved an authoritative pundit throughout. She didn't overtly champion the US team, rather spoke of hope (no pun intended, although I could delete it) for other nations. Love that she spoke of VAR being "against the spirit of the game" on the subject of Ellen White's disallowed goal against USA, so therefore I forgive her bemusement at a Swedish player "not selling it" when roughed up in the penalty area and not even appealing for a spot kick (maybe she thought VAR might step in on her behalf).
Dion Dublin
We must end, of course with DD (Dion has written to the BBC asking that on-air colleagues only address him by his initials, and has included a thorough business case to support this proposal, which includes the words "profile" and "branding"). Dion promised us he'd done "loads of re-search" and "watched loads of videos", but in the end couldn't help reverting to type, staying well within the confines of his comfort zone to play the familiar role of jokey, affable but resented stepdad.
Dion, no doubt, was the first to suggest the WhatsApp group for his fellow pundits, and more than happy to set it up, eventually claiming the first joiner halfway through the second week. It is an unconfirmed rumour that Hope Solo later organised a breakaway WhatsApp group precluding Dion that was instantly more successful. But what you can't fault Dion for is persistence, and his increasingly desperate efforts to lure any one of Logan, Scott, Jordan Nobbs, Solo or Rachel White into his bantz lair appeared to know no end.
Perversely, you cannot criticise Dion for playing to the crowd, either. What you see is what you get, and what you get is the word "comms" instead of "commentary".
There are some things you just cannot unhear.
Gabby Logan
It's probably right that I should recall a day back in 1999 when Gabby Logan was presenting a football related item (that being her job) on ITV and I made a remark that my then girlfriend, now partner, showed up as evidence of a "male chauvinist" side to my character. She ventured the observation light-heartedly, but I was mortally offended, outraged and left wondering whether this silly mare knew me at all.
I sulked terribly, but I'm glad now that my partner said it as it provided, if not evidently straightaway, a small step along the slow ponderous path to self-improvement. Maybe I'd actually been right in questioning the validity of whatever Logan said that day, but clearly I could have said whatever I said without such a pointed subtext.
Although equally at home with Champions League coverage and Match of the Day fill-ins, this tournament seemed to be Logan's moment, and in spite of whatever I said in ‘99, her knowledge of the game is unquestionable, and I like her all the more for her dislike of half and half scarves (which she tried to consign to Room 101 a couple of years back) and her wariness of VAR.
Like Mark Chapman and Gary Lineker and Mark pougatch, Logan asks good questions of her pundits, although occasionally some of the questions did outstay their welcome this summer, inviting unwanted comparisons with Garth Crooks.
But I liked her being host, and I hope to see her filling in for Lineker next season when he can't be bothered to make the midweek ones.
Alex Scott
Similarly with Logan, I'd never been the biggest fan of Scotty (as a pundit), but given a regular spot in France, she mixed passion and insight with her recollections of player experience. She was angry after Cameroon, although I was disappointed that her fury was with the Indomitable Lionesses and not VAR!
Hope Solo
The American goalie for their World Cup 2015 triumph was working with the Beeb even for her homeland's semi final with England. Did the US coverage have grander figures to call on, or did Hope's outspoken views preclude her? Whatever the truth, she filled the customary role of international voice of wisdom for our summer tournaments, following in the footsteps of Klinsmann, Vialli and Martinez. Solo started the tournament strongly with an attack on FIFA and proved an authoritative pundit throughout. She didn't overtly champion the US team, rather spoke of hope (no pun intended, although I could delete it) for other nations. Love that she spoke of VAR being "against the spirit of the game" on the subject of Ellen White's disallowed goal against USA, so therefore I forgive her bemusement at a Swedish player "not selling it" when roughed up in the penalty area and not even appealing for a spot kick (maybe she thought VAR might step in on her behalf).
Dion Dublin
We must end, of course with DD (Dion has written to the BBC asking that on-air colleagues only address him by his initials, and has included a thorough business case to support this proposal, which includes the words "profile" and "branding"). Dion promised us he'd done "loads of re-search" and "watched loads of videos", but in the end couldn't help reverting to type, staying well within the confines of his comfort zone to play the familiar role of jokey, affable but resented stepdad.
Dion, no doubt, was the first to suggest the WhatsApp group for his fellow pundits, and more than happy to set it up, eventually claiming the first joiner halfway through the second week. It is an unconfirmed rumour that Hope Solo later organised a breakaway WhatsApp group precluding Dion that was instantly more successful. But what you can't fault Dion for is persistence, and his increasingly desperate efforts to lure any one of Logan, Scott, Jordan Nobbs, Solo or Rachel White into his bantz lair appeared to know no end.
Perversely, you cannot criticise Dion for playing to the crowd, either. What you see is what you get, and what you get is the word "comms" instead of "commentary".
There are some things you just cannot unhear.
Sunday, 21 July 2019
Women's World Cup 2019 Review by a Fan of No Importance Part 2
True to the title of this post, here come some more observations on the Women's World Cup 2019 by a Fan of No Importance:
ENGLAND
Semi-final failure in France was far more deserving of the 'Heroes' headline that the men got last summer after defeat at the same stage.
In truth, the path to the last four was similarly kind, including a win over a Scandinavian nation in the quarter final, but there were periods of defensive struggle against Cameroon in the last 16 tie (until VAR and a collective meltdown came to their aid) and an inability to kill off the Argentine amateurs in the group stage that left them hanging on to their one goal lead. Although already through by the time of the Japan game, their resolve to finish top was boosted by their opponents' compelling inability to convert a series of second half chances.
Although Jodie Taylor finished off Beth Mead's piercing cross for the goal against Argentina, her overall rusty performance was possibly the catalyst for Phil Neville to confirm the binoculars-promoting Ellen White as the player responsible for deciding games against technically superior but toothless opposition - as Taylor was in the Euros in Holland in 2017.
White's six goals vindicated her selection, and unlike Harry Kane, didn't require any penalties to reach that haul - although her contribution in that respect might have been handy as it turned out. Cruelly, it was the leader and Milly Bright's carer, Steph Houghton ("Horton"), who stepped up to take the penalty against USA, putting to one side her main duty of bailing her team out when the going got sloppy.
Defensive improvements will be required for the next international competition. The midfield is a good mix of guile and spirit whoever plays in there, and we clearly breed goalscorers, so England must stand a great chance of at least repeating their achievement in 2023. Fran Kirby was a slight disappointment, although showed her usual deft touches (particularly in scoring against Sweden in the 3rd/4th play-off) at times, and use of her footballer's bum to spin off defenders. I thought Beth Mead, solid down the left and a devilish crosser, was unlucky to start so few games.
Phil Neville
Barely managed to shift any waistcoats, although at least didn't burst out off his natty attire in vanity anger unlike his rather horrible predecessor liked to in Euro 2017. For all his hypocrisy and whining, at least Phil isn't Mark Sampson. He'll always have that.
Megan Rapinoe
Love her activism, love her calling out of Trump, loved her sense of destiny, didn't love so much her refusal to track back. Yes, maybe at 34, US coach Jill Ellis asked her to reserve energy, and yes, the Golden Boot perhaps backed up that approach, but it would have been fascinating to see how she would have coped with Lucy Bronze in the semi final. Would Crystal Dunn have been left to fend for herself? Would Christen Press have played anyway, even if Rapinoe was fit? I just like attacking left sided players to help out going the other way, to be more Ryan Giggs than Gareth Bale. Overall, though, an important, positive role model in the emerging force of women's football.
Jonathan Pearce
So often strayed into Richard Madeley territory with co-commentator Sue Smith that I could almost see him there in the commentary box in full Ali G get-up and blacked-up face, throwing poorly executed hand gestures and inferring discrimination. Steve Wilson, out in France for a couple of games, would have been a better fit, of course, but I suspect "JP" wanted it more.
Sue Smith
Like Steph Houghton with Millie Bright, played the carer role with professional empathy. Didn't fall for any of the provocation coming her way, rising above the patronising and the taunting to deliver insights and observations in a calm and authorative manner.
More on the BBC team in Part 3!
ENGLAND
Semi-final failure in France was far more deserving of the 'Heroes' headline that the men got last summer after defeat at the same stage.
In truth, the path to the last four was similarly kind, including a win over a Scandinavian nation in the quarter final, but there were periods of defensive struggle against Cameroon in the last 16 tie (until VAR and a collective meltdown came to their aid) and an inability to kill off the Argentine amateurs in the group stage that left them hanging on to their one goal lead. Although already through by the time of the Japan game, their resolve to finish top was boosted by their opponents' compelling inability to convert a series of second half chances.
Although Jodie Taylor finished off Beth Mead's piercing cross for the goal against Argentina, her overall rusty performance was possibly the catalyst for Phil Neville to confirm the binoculars-promoting Ellen White as the player responsible for deciding games against technically superior but toothless opposition - as Taylor was in the Euros in Holland in 2017.
White's six goals vindicated her selection, and unlike Harry Kane, didn't require any penalties to reach that haul - although her contribution in that respect might have been handy as it turned out. Cruelly, it was the leader and Milly Bright's carer, Steph Houghton ("Horton"), who stepped up to take the penalty against USA, putting to one side her main duty of bailing her team out when the going got sloppy.
Defensive improvements will be required for the next international competition. The midfield is a good mix of guile and spirit whoever plays in there, and we clearly breed goalscorers, so England must stand a great chance of at least repeating their achievement in 2023. Fran Kirby was a slight disappointment, although showed her usual deft touches (particularly in scoring against Sweden in the 3rd/4th play-off) at times, and use of her footballer's bum to spin off defenders. I thought Beth Mead, solid down the left and a devilish crosser, was unlucky to start so few games.
Phil Neville
Barely managed to shift any waistcoats, although at least didn't burst out off his natty attire in vanity anger unlike his rather horrible predecessor liked to in Euro 2017. For all his hypocrisy and whining, at least Phil isn't Mark Sampson. He'll always have that.
Megan Rapinoe
Love her activism, love her calling out of Trump, loved her sense of destiny, didn't love so much her refusal to track back. Yes, maybe at 34, US coach Jill Ellis asked her to reserve energy, and yes, the Golden Boot perhaps backed up that approach, but it would have been fascinating to see how she would have coped with Lucy Bronze in the semi final. Would Crystal Dunn have been left to fend for herself? Would Christen Press have played anyway, even if Rapinoe was fit? I just like attacking left sided players to help out going the other way, to be more Ryan Giggs than Gareth Bale. Overall, though, an important, positive role model in the emerging force of women's football.
Jonathan Pearce
So often strayed into Richard Madeley territory with co-commentator Sue Smith that I could almost see him there in the commentary box in full Ali G get-up and blacked-up face, throwing poorly executed hand gestures and inferring discrimination. Steve Wilson, out in France for a couple of games, would have been a better fit, of course, but I suspect "JP" wanted it more.
Sue Smith
Like Steph Houghton with Millie Bright, played the carer role with professional empathy. Didn't fall for any of the provocation coming her way, rising above the patronising and the taunting to deliver insights and observations in a calm and authorative manner.
More on the BBC team in Part 3!
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