One day I won't have to put up with a leaking boiler, or going through the front door to look at my broken fence in the back garden because the patio door won't open, and there won't be a hole in my bathroom ceiling letting in rain water, and I won’t have to contemplate living in a house that isn’t big enough to contain my three children and them sharing rooms that aren’t clean because I don’t have the money for a fully functioning hoover, either.
I can't confirm whether that 'one day' constitutes greater finances or death, but I can say for sure that none of these bothers will be shared by Steve Bruce. Steve Bruce has £7,000,000 extra squids in the bank thanks to being sacked by his hometown club Newcastle United, or rather what stands for Newcastle United these days.
Despite his lifelong allegiance with NUFC, his own people never took to him as manager, and he says that the personal abuse he has received from the fans, and the toll it has taken on him and his family, will likely mean he won't be managing another club. He certainly doesn't need to, of course - the beheading fully comp will ensure that he can comfortably produce another acclaimed football mystery trilogy to rival Defender, Sweeper and Striker. But what of the passion for which he isn’t ridiculed (NUFC spell excepted)? Can the flowing of blood money and coalmine language in his direction stem the tide of desire?
Brucester's millions doesn't necessarily have to be about settling down with a pen and pie and a grateful dispensing of all this bollocks about 'progressing the ball'. When Brian Clough was given a pay-off by Leeds United after his legendary 44-day tenure in 1974, he used the financial security to bolster his football principles and set up his teams in the way he wanted them to play rather than compromise to stay employed and feed his family. This apparently turned out rather well.
Steve Bruce is not Brian Clough, that much is true, but there is a vacancy going at Norwich City, who he played for before Manchester United (£900,000 the fee, I seem to believe). I would enjoy seeing him managing the club he led so well as a captain, and serving Delia would be so much more rewarding, no matter what you put on her plate, than the mask of Amanda Staveley that is clearly concealing the face of Prince Mohammad bin Salman. Maybe the only thing stopping the former Sheffield Wednesday, Sheffield United, Aston Villa, Birmingham City, Sunderland and Newcastle manager from being chauffeur driven to Carrow Road is that he hasn't yet managed Ipswich Town. And he can always turn to them afterwards.
The other thing stopping Bruce replacing Daniel Farke might be the preliminary talks Norwich are reportedly having with Frank Lampard. And maybe it would be better all round if the ex Chelsea and Man City disciple were instead to preside over their slow death this season. If there is something Bruce couldn’t accuse his most recent former bosses of, it is dithering over the end of a life.